the line has crossed once again
in a way i do not wish upon
and something went haywire
and my spirit is in the shape of a neuron
[it's supposed to be a sphere]
see, it should have been very much so obvious - that when exposed to the shared signs of a crowd i've already decided i dislike, i am going to wind up being a bitch by directly engaging in it ... for the sake of fun and enjoyment ...
and my spirit becomes that much spikier in the process ...
i'm bored and i want to have fun ... and this is the best way to do it , because people, to me, are more so reminders of what i could have been or could grow up to be than they are prospective acquaintances i wish to gain
... and that's not a healthy way of looking at the world of other people...
but this has always traced back to community nihilism. and community nihilism traces back to the semioclastic tendencies i have developed up-on experiencing the worst of many a community ... and i don't doubt that there are others out there like me [i talk to a lot of them! i talk to a many of them!] ... but to find them in a world of the eternally signified is a battle that i don't know that i'm ready for ....
... but really, what did i expect to gain other than to hurt myself?
my spirit is supposed to be shiny, not disgustingly matte!
anyways self-improvement motivation has made itself known to me by me
