today is december 18 2025 it is 10 08 pm and im up here now cusz i want to be

cant wait for the casket failure to happen again it wasnt blood if i keep likening the event to a casket failure but embalming fluid or whatever the fuck actually happens in a casket failure i just know the liquid i both dipped my toes in and drowned in was red and disgusting and unsanitary but it was dripping down the walls from the ceiling and i describe it as a casket failure because it really did feel as if the upstairs got replaced with a mass grave of invariable somethings, i think if it happened again today it would be less lost objects in the upstairs and lost friends and moreso the building up; of lost time... but the lost time is a cause of the other its just ive been losing time a lot to the losses im taking a sequence of losses in a general direction in our own general discretion to make the win feel bigger in the end and if you cant help but lose then that losing is a prolonging of the win and if you win too much then the loss becomes novel and so if you cant help but win on an effortless basis losing becomes desirable and to lose is to win but im not actually doing anything if i take this route, the real winm is not one that i am apparently willing to lose at even though my losses are all here on the table and youve maybemaybenot heard of some of them but the basis is things get weird in the field because the distinction betwixt a win and a loss is horrifically muddied in the field so what manifests as a loss to you manifests as a win to a listener and what manifests as a win to you manifests as a loss these are the major distinctions in the between march and really its honestly fun to reach a fixed win point as opposed to having to decide yourself where that win point is or if the win point uou ceek is even attainable in the project file you made this hour really this is the distinction between the social climbing art and the true art because the true art knows to itself it's lost before it reaches your ears and to the social climber's work is the same, but the social climber pretends that what they think is a loss is a win and hopes that by charisma you will also think the same, and it plasticizes to some degree the thing's too cycular to copmrehend every word out of your mouth is to maintain presence and the conversation i have with your work is desperate, i'm sorry, the word was